International officer is always a weird one, mainly because I feel mocking the wording is mocking the fact someone isn’t a a native speaker.

Daniel Goodlive

Slogan

Here to serve ‘will be your Voice’

Rating

0/10. Not a pun, so no points

With the Trump presidency, Brexit and Global Terrorism (One of these things is not like the others), the world as we know it has witnessed increased racism, sexism, religious discrimination. You and I, as home students and International students, future leaders can make the SU and the world a better place.

As a black person from Nigeria, having been at the receiving end of racism, discrimination and a particular stereotype, I know how it feels to be treated differently, and I for once want to put an end to all this (I wish you could. I really do) and make the world better place.

If voted into office, I will continue the Guarantor Scheme and also campaign to expand it to involve first year students (Wait, it doesn’t already!? WHAT!?), so international students will have easy access to affordable accommodation.

Will support international student committees, provide education and learning for easy access to university financial and other support. I will support and promote International Student committee events and activities, to make it better and improved.

Will campaign and lobby the University and Government, especially Sheffield MPs, to bring back the Post Study Work Visa for International students. I will campaign rigorously on the reduction of Student fees.

Continue the campaign against Teaching Excellence Framework (TEF), we will protest if we have t, to ensure the University does not increase Fees for both home and international students.

Will advocate for SU to show international Movies and a day in week to play international Music, from Asia, Middle East, Europe and Africa. Lets truly be international (I was about to say you don’t need to worry about Europe but you probably do considering Brexit).

Score: 6/10. Not much to say about this.

Chibuike Obianyor [Cheezy]

Slogan

Vote cheezy for "grateness"

Rating

1000000/10. That's beautiful

Hello! My name is Chibuike Obianyor [Cheezy] (I really want to know the background to that nickname). I am not only an international student, but what I like to call a second year fresher. I joined Sheffield 6 months ago, and it has been an exhilarating experience. Presently, I act in the capacity of committee member at Sheffield Raising and Giving Society, as well as team member of Railway Challenge at Sheffield. I have been able to expand my network of friends by joining various societies including the African-Caribbean Society which gave me the opportunity to socialize with students from a range of disciplines here at Sheffield.

I aim to act in the best interest of international students. (Thank goodness, I was worried that you wouldn’t)

If elected I plan to:

1. Support the EU students by collaborating with the Student Advice Centre and the Educational officer with respect to life post-Brexit. (Sounds good)
2. Sustain the #WeAreInternational campaign. With the possibility of expanding it by working hand in hand with International Students Committee, to promote the smaller ethnic groups, educate people on cultural diversity and reduce stereotyping.
3. Strengthen the voice of the mature & postgraduate international students who may feel they are not being heard. I plan to work with the Activities Officer to tailor activities for postgraduates as well as mature student to fit their busy academic life, to create a social balance.
4. Create an online discussion/suggestion forum to allow visiting students and other international students relay their issues so it can be addressed immediately. (I’m sure that you won’t get assholes being dickheads in there)

Score: 1000000000000000/10. Seriously, that pun is amazing.

Santhana Gopalakrishnan

Slogan

Shine with Santhana!

Rating

2/10. That's good

Hello, Ni Hao, Marhaba, Bonjour!

I am Santhana (and I’m an alcoholic) and I want to be your next International Students’ Officer (DAMMIT).

Being the Chair of the International Students’ Committee has motivated me to run for this position. I want to continue helping Students Union thrive as a ‘global village’. Defending rights of international students is my priority.

As International Students’ Officer, I will:

1) Protect Rights of International Students

• Education: Persuade the university to decrease the year in industry fees, thus making it affordable for international students to apply for work experience.

• Immigration: Lobby the university to be a key player in Brexit negotiations, so positive changes are made to Erasmus and Study Abroad. No students should be discriminated against their nationalities.

2) Foster a Diverse SU Community #ShefGlobalCitizensn

• Motivate international students to proactively engage in SU decision-making processes through ‘Run Your SU’ initiative. Their engagement with the SU is vital to shape future needs.

-Encourage students to build global connections through cultural programmes organized by the ISC and SU by:

• Boosting society mashups. (That sounds painful)
• Running cultural-themed GIAG programmes in student villages.

3) Further Empower International Students

• Work with the Welfare Officer and DSC to develop the permanent Quiet Room (There’s a joke here somewhere about me not knowing about the Quiet Room) as a resource for anyone who needs to access it.

• Make counselling services and the Student Advice Centre more accessible, catering to broader issues beyond cultural barriers, mental health (What other things do they need to cover though) .

• Work with international students to enhance understanding of various health issues including safe sexual health practices.

~Shine with Santhana!~ (Hey! That’s the name of the show!)

Score: 5/10. Meh.

Gigi Barrionuevo

Slogan

Embrace Internationalization, vote for Gigi

Rating

0/10. 1: That's not a pun. 2: There's a joke about rejecting the american spelling of internationalisation just waiting to happen

Who am I? (I don’t know, and if you don’t then that’s a real problem)

• Peruvian final year International Business management student, I have loved my time at Sheffield and would be delighted to make sure other international/EU students also have the best time!
• Activities officer of the Women in Business society, working as part of a team to organize and deliver events that help members to develop their skills
• Social secretary of the Erasmus and Exchange society (USEES), organizing events and parties that allow incoming exchange students to meet each other and integrate in the university
• Ex-Erasmus student, I spent my second year of university at The University of Amsterdam

I am passionate about International/EU and exchange students’ rights and their experience here at the University of Sheffield. The SU has helped me to make the most of my time at university BUT, there are always ways to improve and make things better. If elected as International Students’ Officer, I will:

• Promote the integration of international/English students: By encouraging more diverse flats in university accommodation and introducing schemes such a ‘Christmas Break with a local’ and ‘buddies’ (This doesn’t happen because all the international students arrive a week before everyone else…)
• Eliminate health taboos and stigmas: SHAG (Teehee) (Sexual Health Advice and guidance) and mental health guidance, especially catered to International students.
• Protect international student’s right: (a)Represent our rights in terms of awareness/workshops of how to successfully get sponsorship to remain in the UK after graduation, (b) post-study work visa extension and (c) extending the number of guarantees the University of Sheffield provides to international students when renting private accommodation

Score: 5/10.

Daniela Orrego

Slogan

Who needs an umbrella with Daniela

Rating

10/10. I don't even care that the umbrella makes no sense

Hola (Me llamo T-Bone)! I’m Daniela Orrego (and I’m an alcoholic?) and I want to be your new Activities Officer (DAMMIT).

Let’s be honest, extracurricular activities are the only way you can gain those skills that cannot be taught in a classroom (Yes. That’s literally the definition of extracurricular). Let me continue making our SU #1 in the country by creating activities, opportunities and volunteering that are accessible and great for all.

GET INVOLVED! (Oh god, stop shouting)

• Daily interactive screen of activities at the Welcome Desk. (How do we interact with it? With our eyes?)
• Encourage societies to hold a position for PGT /PGR students (I mean…sure?)
• Bring back the Interfaith Café. (Why, was it on a sabbatical?)
• Promote GIAG events during weekends and evenings. (So…promote GIAG events?)
• Advocate volunteering opportunities by creating volunteering promotional videos. (“Hey guys! Look at this video! If it wasn’t for that, I’d never have thought to volunteer!” said nobody. Ever.)

MAKE IT EASY, PEASY! (Please stop shouting)

• Work with CiCS to construct a more user-friendly room booking system. (AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)
• Create a Facebook group for Presidents of all societies to promote integration. (I mean, what does this solve?)
• Establish a mentoring programme pairing new societies with more established ones. (How does that help anyone!?)
• Work with University Departments to promote volunteering opportunities among students.

GROW! (My ears are bleeding)

• Enhance the financial sustainability of societies by introducing entrepreneurship skills courses with USE. (NONE OF THOSE ARE REAL WORDS)
• Encourage students to apply for the Participation Grant with more accessible information. (That’s a good idea)
• Increase publicity for CiCS Creative Media courses. (The fact I had no idea that existed means you’ve already achieved that. GOLD STAR)
• Promote and raise awareness of the Sheffield Graduate Award among members of societies.

My experience:

16/17 International Students’ Committee Americas’ Representative

16/17 Meet & Greet Deputy Coordinator

16/17 UNICEF Inclusions’ Officer

17/18 UNICEF President

15/17 Law Student Ambassador

16/17 Bar Staff at Uni Night’s Out, Bar One and Interval

SheffMUN 2016 Social Secretary

Active member of many societies including Yoga&Pilates Society, Supertones Society and Golf Society.

Score: 5/10. You buzzworded so you’re a bad person.

Tom Brindley

Slogan

Bring on the Brindley

Rating

2/10. That ain't a pun.

• Increasing Connections between Sheffield City residents and Sheffield University Students. ​Increasing the amount of volunteering options available to all students to build a stronger relationship with the residents we share this city with. (I’ve read this now 5 times and I still don’t know what you mean)
• Helping the homeless. ​In England 2015, the estimated number of rough sleepers at any one time was over 3,500. By liaising with external volunteering groups around Sheffield and our Student Unions groups such as “Save Our Sandwiches”, I would like to open a soup kitchen that aims to provide warm meals to our fellow city residents, and to also increase donations and aid that is given out. (Fair play mate but you’re aware you’re running for Activities Officer instead of Welfare, right?)
• Inter-society events. What makes our University great is our diversity and acceptance of one another. I would like to increase the amount of inter-society events by working with liberation committees to promote and celebrate days and periods of importance such as Diwali. This would strengthen the relationship between societies and groups that may not necessarily cross paths and further develop our Students Union (Still got no idea what you’re talking about).
• More rehearsal spaces. Spaces in which societies can book to rehearse is a problem with facilities and storage space scarce. I would like to see University buildings such as the Arts Tower and Hicks opened at the weekends to allow societies and groups to practice in comfortable surroundings. (None of the rooms in that building are good to rehease in and you know it)
• Society Training. I would like to work closely with the Welfare officer (So… do your job) to provide mental health training to members of Students Union Committees to ensure our students wellbeing is always of paramount importance.

Score: 4/10. So many meaningless sentences…

Niall Johnson

Slogan

?

Rating

-/10 Mate, I know you've got a pun because you reference it down below. Make my life easier, eh?

My name is Niall (And I’m an alcoholic?) and I’m running for Activities Officer (DAMMIT)! My policies should benefit every society and make you S.M.I.L.E (MANDATORY FUN. FUN IS MANDATORY)!

1. SOCIETY VARSITY

Varsity is a huge sports event that takes place every year (It does? I completely missed it), and brings out the competitive edge in everyone! But why is this incredible celebration exclusive to just sports teams (Probably because sport is inherently competitive?)? I propose we introduce a society varsity in which societies from both universities compete! (This could be hilarious. Imagine competitve papercraft)

1. MORE STORAGE SPACE

Societies are experiencing a storage crisis! Space for equipment is limited and the lockers provided are old and unfit for use (Ain’t that the truth). I’m campaigning for the university to provide more storage space for activities equipment, and accommodate extra storage space in their refurbishment plans! (How many of these sentences haven’t ended with an exclamation mark?)

1. INCREASED PARTICIPATION GRANTS

Participation grants have helped thousands of students fund activities they would otherwise not be able to afford! Our current Activites Officer Anna has worked hard to expand the criteria for participation grants, and I aim to further her vision of participation grants for all! (Jesus christ, this gue’s like an excited border collie)

1. LONGER SOCIETY PRESENCE

Societies start their recruitment process at the Freshers’ Week Activities Fair, then tend to disappear! I believe that more recruitment events will allow societies to enhance their membership and be more inclusive! (Or maybe, nobody will go and it’ll just be like Refreshers)

1. END TO WEEKEND ROOM HIRE FEES

Because of academic commitments, students are often not available during the week, therefore the weekend is the only time they can participate! However, university buildings are not free to use at weekends! A vote for me is a vote to end weekend room hire fees!

Score: 2/10. I can use exclaimation marks too! I’m really good at it!

Emma Lord

Slogan

Got a dilemma? Go to Emma

Rating

5/10. I imagine there was a long meeting to come up with this pun

Inclusivity and Communication

• Improve inclusions for postgraduate, disabled, international and mature students (Isn’t that what Inclusions is for on each committee)
• Support and increase awareness of the participation grant (I’m fairly certain everyone said that last year)
• Increase communication between societies and encourage societal collaboration (But…how?)
• Develop communication between societies and the Student’s Union so all societies feel supported (But…how?)

Activities Fair

• Take activities to first years; have a smaller activities fair in the student villages before main fair, making first years aware of opportunities (They tried that, and nobody went)
• Improve the online database (AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA); allow students to sign up to societies mailing lists online and develop all societies online presence (They can already do that)

Training

• Increase training available and make it more accessible (How about making it interesting?)
• Include skills workshops to aid students with future employment
• Offer training to help with mental health issues, increase awareness of support available to societies

Volunteering

• Improve links and communications with charities in and around Sheffield to help committees when adopting a charity
• Publicise volunteering opportunities and encourage societies to make events into fundraising opportunities

Room bookings

• Move all room bookings online; stop the inconvenience of having to book in person (Yes, but the online system is currently terrible!)
• Allow all committee members to be nominated room bookers

Storage Space

• Create more storage space to be available to all societies which is safe and secure (Where are you going to find that space!?)
• Create a flexible private space for societies to use as they need it, for larger projects that the zone cannot cope with (WHERE!?)

Experience:

Performing Arts (SUPAS) Committee – President (2016/17)

Performing Arts (SUPAS) Committee – Social Secretary (2015/16)

Score: 2/10. You can’t just invent space.

Fred Gill

Slogan

Going in for the gill

Rating

3/10. I had to get help to understand the bloody thing

Since arriving in Sheffield two and a half years ago I have thrown myself into all that the Union has to offer. From societies, GIAGs and even SU council, I see Activities as an incredibly important area in student life and I want to make it easier to get involved and more rewarding to take part. As your Activities Officer I would; (That’s a brave semi-colon)

1) Make It Easier To Get Involved;

Extend available funds that help students to take part in Activities and Sports, and ensure that it can be accessed for a longer time

Lobby the University to ensure Wednesday is left free for getting involved in Activities and Sport

Have Activities running all year round to ensure there is always something to get involved with (What activites aren’t already running all year round?)

2) Reward You For Engaging;

Giving students recognition for taking part in society activities by revamping Society of the Week

Help students progress through Union Student Leadership by raising the profile of current Student Leaders (There’s student leaders?)

Make it easier for Societies to share their voice on how their Union should be run by inviting students to regular open sessions

3) Provide More Support For Committees;

Develop and streamline the room booking system across the SU and University to ensure that you can access the right space for you

Develop the Union’s equipment and facilities to meet the demand from Student Groups (Where though!?)

Ensuring that all Student Groups feel equal and respected within the Union and University

Go in for the Gill! Vote Fred for Activities!

Score: 7/10. Didn’t have much to mock you for so I guess that’s good?

I might not have finished last years and I might not finish this years but by god I’ll try.

People are marked out of 10 for their slogan (which extra points for imaginative puns), and then given a marking of out 10. The points are arbritary so shush. Today, Education Officers!

Stuart McMillan

Slogan

Vote Stu for a grassroots SU

Rating

6/10. Nice internal rhyme.

With tuition fees on the rise (Are they? I thought they’d remained at the same level since 2011?), next year will be a critical moment for students (A year is slightly more than a moment). With a vision (THE PROPHET HAS RETURNED) for free and accessible education for all (Except Jeff. Screw you Jeff), I want to use my experience of campaigning (But not your experience of winning?) to give students the tools to fight for the issues that affect us. This means putting students at the centre of campaigns: at the grassroots.

STOP ‘TEF’ AND FEE RISES

The ‘Teaching Excellence Framework’ needs to be stopped, threatening £10,000+ fees (But on the plus side, fees don’t feel fear so they’ll probably not be too fussed about it), caps on international student places, and (Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma?) increased marketisation. I’ll continue to build the NSS boycott next year, employ new tactics, (I’ve seen those English dramas too. They’re cruel) and put students at the forefront of campaigns.

NO HIDDEN COSTS

Extra costs are a huge barrier to students. I’ll campaign for free black-and-white printing, electronic submissions (Those mostly already exist though), free dissertation binding and (I was looking forward to continuing quoting Vampire Weekend and pretending I’m cool) more library resources.

DEFEND INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS

In a climate of rising racism and attacks on free movement, it’s vital we stand up for all migrants. I’ll work with the International Officer (So…do your job) to campaign for freezing international student fees, the right to remain, sanctuary scholarships for refugees and asylum seekers, (YES! So if there’s any other way) and against Home Office monitoring.

MENTAL HEALTH

Working with the Welfare Officer (So…do your job), I’ll improve departments’ extensions and extenuating circumstances policies, campaign for better postgraduate working conditions, (To spell the word It’s fine with me, with me) and push (I’m just chuckling at the mental image of you pushing the finance offices to try and get money out of them) for more funding to DDSS and Counselling.

MORE STUDY SPACES

With the amount being spent on new buildings like the Diamond, the university can afford to put resources into study spaces (Well, not anymore. It was an expensive building). I’ll push for more spaces, especially in accommodation, (Why would you speak to me that way) and for them to be better publicised across campus.

Score: 5/10. Good ideas. You’ll fail to implement any of them.

Bethany Wiles

Slogan

Use your vote Wiles-ly

Rating

9/10. Oooh, that's a good'un.

I’m running for Education Officer (You are!?) because we can pride ourselves in the University of Sheffield’s excellent academic reputation, but I want to use our collective power as a Student’s Union to make positive changes to the way our education is delivered (No more staying in and watching the delivery man pretend to knock on your door!). This is important so that our time at Sheffield is both enjoyable and worthwhile.

If elected, I would strive to ensure our voices are heard, our education is outstanding and no unnecessary additional costs are incurred (But the necessary ones can keep around) whilst studying.

I would aim to achieve this by campaigning for:

• The online submission of all assessments – There should be no need for printing and binding costs, especially for portfolios and dissertations (You know you don’t have to bind your dissertation, right?)
• Affordable Graduations – Graduation should be an education milestone, not a financial burden (What’s the financial burden? £20 on the gown?)
• Accessible Key Texts - No text books should be a compulsory purchase and adequate library copies and e-books should be available
• Student-Led Academic Representation – Students should run and determine the agendas of Staff-Student Committee Meetings (That is categorically a bad idea)
• A better deal for Joint Honours Students – There should be improved interdepartmental communication and departmental societies should have dual degree reps (That’d be nice actually, but what if nobody runs for those reps?)
• An end to tuition fee hikes – Active student campaigns should continue to take place to fight fee rises and cuts to funding
• Easier mechanisms to give learning and teaching feedback – There should be a comprehensive guide in place so students know how to report any issues to departments throughout the semester

Score: 4/10. Lot of shoulda woulda coulda here.

Grace Wallace

Slogan

Get Grace on the Case

Rating

7/10. Having an internal rhyme makes everyone have a good time

As Chair of the Economics Department Academic Reps, I have experienced first-hand how student voices can create real change to our university. From improving feedback to installing a water fountain in the common room (YOU HAVE A COMMON ROOM!?), all these things matter! I want to make Education campaigns accessible to all, regardless of experience. Students can be put off by acronyms and technical jargon - I want the students of Sheffield to know what their SU stands for (Student’s Union. SU stands for Student’s Union).

Let’s Get Everyone Involved (Yeah! Teamwork!):

• Continue the Shef better than TEF campaign.
• Use accessible language to engage more students in SU campaigns.
• Improve the communication between Academic Reps and students through training and campaigning (How will campagining increase communication!?).

Improve the Education Experience:

• Free black and white printing across the university. (All aboard the abuse free printing bus!)
• Improve the coordination between dual honour departments, particularly regarding deadlines and timetabling. (You know they already do that…right?)
• Increase study space during peak revision season e.g. utilising empty seminar and tutorial rooms. (Actually a good idea!)

More Support when Studying:

• Improve welfare support from academic departments by implementing compulsory welfare training for all personal tutors (I’m sure that’ll be wildly popular from the personal tutors)
• Ensure consistent guidance on plagiarism and referencing from every academic department for all years (You’re aware it’s fairly constant?).

I know students care about their education and I want to help them to shape it!

Score: 5/10. Meh.

Kaitlyn Keenhold

Slogan

NONE

Rating

-INFINITY/10. HOW DARE YOU HAVE NO PUN (if anyone finds one, let me know)

I would like to represent Sheffield University students as the Education Officer (Oh that’s why I’m reading this!) in order to assure them that their opinions are expressed to teachers and staff in an effective manner (As opposed to an ineffective manner). As someone who has represented students in the past, I have had experience being a liaison between my peers and various academic departments at my undergraduate institution in the United States (USA! USA!). I feel confident in raising issues to authority (But when I fight authority, authority always wins) on behalf of others; with intent to enhance each person’s experience I am prepared to report student interests back to the University as an unbiased party (How the hell are you unbiased!?), though I can also offer my unique perspective as an international student when this is necessary. In this way, I aim to improve the quality of education in any way that I can as an officer for the students and as such I will stay up to date on the current issues they may be facing as well as the relevant policies related to their concerns (So…do your job). I hope to support those who need representation in the Sheffield University student body by being their voice (So…do your job). Education has been extremely important to me in my own life and serving as this role would be a way for me to help others also get the most out of their institution. I hope fellow students can find me friendly, relatable, organized, and generally concerned with assisting them with the academic content of their courses and university engagement as a whole. Thank you for considering me as your Education Officer!

Score: -INFINITY/10. No pun means no score.

Ed Robinson

Slogan

Put the Ed in Education

Rating

8/10. I hope you only chose to run because of that pun

Hey, my name’s Ed (Hi Ed!) and I’d love to be your Education Officer next year. I’ve got heaps of experience working in education, and (Especially when I always said that I) I’m active in helping to shape the university experience at Sheffield. Here’s what I’ll do if you vote me in!

I’ll work hard to perfect the Student Voice

I’ll continue Ali Day’s awesome work optimising the student representative system, and take it further – making a toolkit for student reps so that everyone can have their voice heard (Just get them a microphone, it’ll be quicker).

Talks and Debates

There’s a lot of awesome research going on in Sheffield, and all students should have the opportunity to learn about it. I’ll organise regular interdisciplinary events where students can engage with UoS research from the people doing it. (That’s actually a good idea)

Electronic Study Encyclopaedia

I want to create an online hub of student-made study material – with flashcards, notes, and hints and tips. (I don’t

Make feedback flexible

I believe in student-centred education; early module feedback will allow staff to tailor modules to the students. (Another good idea. Something’s wrong here)

I’ll fight the TEF (I fought the TEF and the TEF won)

The Teaching Excellence Framework is not fit for purpose. I’ll do everything I can to find an alternative – including standing with the National Student Survey boycott.

#Iaminternational

I’ve spent over a year of my study as an international student. I will work hard with other SU Officers to ensure a good deal for international students.

For a sustainable SU

Education’s my passion – but everything we do happens within our environment, and I’ll work towards a greener university.

Score: 10/10. Lot of good stuff here, none of which is particularly expensive either…

Tawfik Alhashemi

Slogan

NONE

Rating

-INFINITY/10. No pun, no postive score

Make the university time a joyful experience

Score: -/10. I’ll put as much effort into scoring this as you did in making your manifesto

Welfare time. You know what that means! It’s Landlord Bingo!

• 1 point for saying Landlords are terrible
• 2 points for landlord database
• 1 point for saying that Uni Accommodation is terrible

Anna Mullaney

Slogan

Be brainy. Vote Mullaney

Score

8/10. I'm sitting here smiling. That's a good sign.

Manifesto

One of the best experiences I’ve had at university has been being President of Mental Health Matters Society. I’ve challenged the stigma of mental health, worked with services in and outside of the university and talked to many students about their experiences. My passion for student well-being has been a huge part of my time at university, through my two years with MHM, as Treasurer for Women’s Committee and through personal experiences of difficulties. Vote for me so I can continue to work for you :)

Mental Health and Well-Being

Work with academic departments to develop a stronger, more consistent policy on extenuating circumstances and extensions that is less subjective and treats mental and physical health issues equally (The fact it’s taken me until now to butt in is a good sign for you)

A weekly well-being café where students can meet new people and be signposted (What, as in they get attached to signposts) to any relevant services

Self-care workshops in the SU to encourage students to prioritise their well-being and promote the importance of looking after yourself

Work with the University Counselling Service and Disability & Dyslexia Support Service for more funding and shorter waiting times

Housing and Financial Support (Ooooooooooh…)

Work closely with propertywithUS and other groups to encourage students to find houses later in the year (Because what everyone needs is rushing around in July to find accommodation)

Further expansion of the Student Housing Co-operative to reduce the need for private landlords (DING)

Organise free, interesting ways to meet people to live with (Erm…)

Safety on Nights Out

Walking groups led by volunteers after nights out to student areas (That will lead those volunteers to hate the world after 5 weeks)

A support space in the SU to help students facing difficulties on nights out (Most people have difficulties after seeing my dancing. They’re unsure how someone can be so damn sexy)

Score: 6/10. Pretty good.

Cassie McIernon

Slogan

Cas-see you in the Welfare Office

Score

5/10. I'm really torn on this. It's a great pun, but something bugs me about it...

Manifesto

Hi (Hi!), I’m Cassie, a student in the department of politics! I’ve been here for 4 years (I’ll assume by choice), and worked in the SU entertainments and marketing departments for 3 (That can’t be by choice). I enjoy getting involved with technical theatre through SUPAS and SUTCO, and going to SU events, like their award winning nights out!

If elected I will:

Work with the University to standardise the role of personal tutors across departments. There is too much variation in what students get from their personal tutors; I want to define their role so students know exactly what they can expect, including pastoral support! (A nice noble goal)

Continue with the work the SU currently does on raising awareness for mental health problems, but increase awareness of support available, as well as improving it (That’d be nice).

Introduce coffee drop ins with the welfare officer (What if they’re tea drinkers?)! I want to ensure that for a few hours each week, the welfare officer is available to come talk to directly, potentially with members of relevant societies (like Mental Health Matters) (Oi! Brackets are mine!). These could be used to bring problems to the SU’s attention, help advise on who to contact, or just to chat about the work the welfare officer is doing! (Why so exclaimy?)

Create focus groups (Oh god) to discuss the best way to tackle the problem of early signing of houses, and designing a landlord rating system (DING DING DING). This issue has come up in many candidate manifestos without being solved (Probably because it’s a silly idea), which is why I think asking students for their ideas would be the best way forward (I look forward to this one not working either)!

Score: 4/10. Getting a sorbet feeling from you. Don’t really feel anything.

Chenhao Wu

Slogan

Vote CHENHAO to support you NOW!

Score

5/10. Nice little internal rhyme there

Manifesto

I’m Chenhao, and I will support you now! (Hey! That’s the name of the show!)

I’m Chenhao and I’m studying for a PhD in Computer Science (You already have my sympathy)!

I am well practiced in supporting students with daily life issues due to my roles as an Endcliffe Residence Mentor & a PGR Rep in the Engineering department. I’m also a course instructor and demonstrator for university modules & charity workshops, including Code First: Girl, which encourages female students to enter computing/technology.

I am campaigning for Welfare Officer because my life experiences from undergraduate to PhD student have helped me intimately understand the different stages of student life & I want to be able to give others the support that I wish I had when I experienced issues during my time as a student.

I will help with:

New students getting to know university; (You can tell you’re a Computer scientist with these semi-colons)

Housing issues (DING);

Student loan concerns;

Part-time jobs & careers;

Educational support;

Personal safety;

Physical & mental health;

Finding long-term friends & soul-mates (No offence, but I don’t want you to help me find a soul-mate…) through daily life events & activities.

No problem’s too small & I’d like to give my help no matter what, to prevent larger problems happening.

IF ELECTED I WILL:

Raise awareness of university welfare services available to all types of students, including PhDs, part-time, international & students with family in Sheffield.

Develop a website to track the problem solving stages of student complaints, welfare or accommodation issues (DING).

Create and distribute a Welfare Newsletter (Considering how nobody knows what the officers do, this is actually a good idea), to encourage engagement and promote available services, as well as to give transparency to what I will do to support you.

Score: 6/10. Not that bad.

Emily Simmons

Slogan

Be empowered with Emily

Score

0/10. No pun, no points.

Manifesto

Be Empowered with Emily (Hey! That’s the name of the show!)

For many, university life isn’t always what you expect. Students can struggle with mental wellbeing, money and many other issues. From personal experience, I understand where student welfare is neglected, and I’m driven to make changes to improve future students’ experience.

I’m Emily, a third year biologist. I’ve been Welfare and Training Officer at the University’s scuba-diving club for several years, served on my departmental student-staff committee and even worked as a cleaner at Endcliffe. My priorities are:

MENTAL HEALTH

Reduce the stigma surrounding male mental health issues (Good idea), and create a more accessible support system for all. (Another good idea)

Continue to raise awareness of common difficulties among students including anxiety, depression and insomnia.

Develop stronger connections between departments and union support services and assist academic staff to better recognise issues and help students. (Another good idea)

Lobby for more funding for core services like the University Counselling Service and Nightline, to tackle high demand and waiting times. (Please start having terrible ideas)

Create a support network for students returning from time out of university, preventing isolation.

Extend welfare support to include recent graduates. (I CAN’T MOCK YOU IF YOU’RE SENSIBLE DAMMIT)

HOUSING

Introduce an awareness week giving information on healthy living conditions, bills and energy efficiency and promoting existing housing services to students.

Provide better guidance for students looking for cheaper private accommodation. (Cheap accommodation isn’t always good you know…)

FINANCE

Continue campaigning against the end of student grants, and cuts to Disabled Students’ Allowance (I look forward to that not working).

Improve support for student workers, including those working for the university, and educate on employment rights so they can challenge unfair employers.

Better financial support to increase participation in societies (Hang on, you’re not an Activities candidate…).

Score: 8/10. I struggled to mock this, so take that as you will.

Talitha Carney

Slogan

For welfare: trust Talitha

Score

3/10. Is there a missing pun there? I'm not sure...

Manifesto

About me:

I am a final year biomedical science student who was diagnosed with a chronic health condition in my first year and it completely changed my university experience. Because of this I know the University Health Service, Counselling Service and Disability & Dyslexia Service very well. I also come from a low income background, so know how hard it can be to manage money at university.

I know from experience that having a mental health problem, injury, disability or being from a low income background can be incredibly difficult at university. With your vote I’d like to improve these services, for you and future students.

My aims if elected are:

Mental health

Liaise with the university to expand the counselling service

Increase the amount of quiet rooms and mindfulness classes

Monitor departments for the number of students seeking mental health support (Is that to admonish them? Because that’s not really how stats work…)

Disabilities

Workshops and advice on dealing with disabilities after university (Good idea)

Create a week dedicated to raising awareness for invisible illnesses (Another good idea, though I think people will ignore you)

Low income backgrounds

Create a rough university cost guide, in order to help people manage money better (Or just teach people how to budget)

Lobby the university to increase the participation grants available (I don’t think there’s the money…)

Landlords (DING)

Awards for the best letting agent and landlords of the year (DING)

Events where second and third years can share their advice for private accommodation (What helpful advice can they give!?)

Healthy living and wellbeing

University healthy living cookbook competition (I…don’t know)

More orthopedic equipment and sessions to help prevent injury/pain whilst writing and typing (You’re not the one doing these manifestos)

Score: 4/10. Alright, but not much else

International officers take the brunt of my mockery today. I said this last year, but usually the International Officer candidates say meaningful things, instead of spouting out whatever they just thought of.

Post

International

Areas of remit

Integration | National Societies | Globalisation

Description

• Advocating for international students in the Students' Union, University and wider community
• Promoting and facilitating a diverse student experience for students on campus and off
• Representing the Students' Union on all matters international

Ana-Gabriela Popa

Slogan

POP-A The Boundaries

Rating

5/10. Not bad actually

Manifesto

My name is Ana-Gabriela Popa (and I’m an alcoholic?). It may seem scary (Goddammit, why do people keep ruining my joke. They never think of me do they?) to run for the second time, but it’s also amazingly exciting (I find doing this exciting, and am amazed as well) because I love fighting (Oh what I’d give to not read any more of this sentence) for International students’ rights. I loved being a member and Chair (For humour’s sake, I’m going to pretend that you were a literal chair) of the International Students’ Committee. I love the SU and the Sheffield Community (N’awwwwww) and I believe in their potential to thrive. I believe the plans I have laid out below will achieve that (I’ll be the judge of that).

As International Students’ Officer, I will:

Campaign for Students’ Rights

To have a Post-Study Work Visa (I think you might be ignored. Sorry)

To preserve the benefits of being part of the EU (especially in terms of travelling, loans, research funding) (1. The brackets are mine. 2. This bloody referendum is going to put a stop to that isn’t it?)

To be supported by the University as guarantor (You’ve got to be kdding me, that doesn’t already happen?) when looking for accommodation (especially with the establishment of landlords’ check on right to stay in the UK) (Two strikes on the bracket stealing. Careful).

Promote Integration between Home and International students by

Encouraging society mash-ups (What, at great speed? “Hey, BoardSoc, Assassins, just run at each other really quickly and see what happens!”)

Encouraging more Home performances in International Students’ Committee events (achieving integration whilst celebrating diversity) (LEAVE MY BRACKETS ALONE)

Creating more residence activities (especially family friendly for students with families and activities targeting the Mature students population) (Listen, if you use brackets all the time, then people get confused when I add my bits inline) – work with Activities Officer (So, do your job?)

Support societies by offering new comprehensive training for Inclusion Officers (That’s actually a good idea. Inclusions are fun!)

Empower International Students

“Find your feet” (At the end of your legs) programme to help students settle in (can be ran during Orientation/ Intro week (If you’re going to steal my brackets, at least steal them properly) – involves two parts: 1. Factual information (ex: right mobile phone contract) (I give up), 2. Dealing with Homesickness (work with Welfare Officer) (grumble)

Leadership programme to access a platform of campaigning and activism (What does that even mean)

Re-analyse academic support and Course rep structure (work with Education Officer)

Score: 0/10. I’m not bitter about you stealing my brackets. No sir.

Ghoona Naizi

Slogan

Make it snazzy, vota Niazi

Rating

8/10. Oooh, that's a good'un

Manifest

Greetings! I am Ghoona Niazi, an international student from Pakistan. I am currently a Master student with an urge to grow (You don’t look that short in your picture…) and progress in a diverse and versatile atmosphere. I could barely speak English when I first arrived at Sheffield (We don’t speak English here, we speak Yorkshire. That probably made things worse). Due to certain cultural and language barriers, I couldn’t make any friends in the first month. Things were turning out to be worse than I anticipated, but then I realized to redefine my goals and to break my shell to serve the people.

If I get elected I would definitely focus on:

Raising voices for international campaigning and breaking barriers of racism and cultural difference by promoting the notion of One World (One Love! One Heart!).

Promote more scholarship and funding schemes around the globe (I’m not sure if we can do much about that here in Sheffield) in order to endorse world class education to all eligible students.

Raise awareness about Study Skills services provided by university specifically to International students, who face hardships regarding academic skills (In before idiots say that’s racist against the people who aren’t international students…).

Work mutually with Career Services and Advice Centre to solve issues regarding part-time and full-time jobs, accommodations, and very importantly visa issues (Good idea).

Arrange and organize festivals (Those are really easy. Definitely) that will promote globalization in this way that it gives a chance to the home students to learn about different cultures as well.

Put forward a decent platform for more petitions (Oh god, not more) according to student’s will towards the government when required, to make a more competitive educational atmosphere (Eh?).

To persuade on special matters regarding end of study tenure and start of practical life among international students.

Score: 3/10. There’s not a lot there to be honest.

Julius Nchor

Slogan

Yes we can, together we will

Rating

0/10. I feel like I've accidentally stepped into a Tech Start up slogan meeting. Or a cult. More importantly IT ISN'T A PUN

Manifesto

My name is Julius Nchor (And I’m an alcoholic?), I’m currently a postgraduate student (DAMMIT) in Urban Design and Planning, contesting for International Students’ officer. It has been my passion to contribute to the welfare of university students and I wish to take my contributions to the next level ([Insert cheap sex joke here]). Over the years, whilst studying for my degree (See, that was your first mistake), I was involved with the union in a variety of roles, by working with staff and students on a number of projects and issues that matter to students. I was the Student Union President of my university (Why low ball this one!?), and also Director of Finance.

My vision is to make the International students irrespective of race, gender, religion and/ or beliefs, while studying to be free to contribute their opinions with regards to what happens within and outside of the student union.

If I get elected I will…

Set in place machinery to encourage registered associations of different countries to leave up to their responsibility, and create an enabling environment for celebration of festivals of the various countries in the university (This reads like buzzword ipsum).

Encourage dialog between international students, the academia and other stakeholders (Why use the word stakeholders, this is definitely buzzword ipsum), and the participation of corporate bodies via seminars, symposiums, conferences (What’s that even meant to be!?).

Put more emphasis on encouraging international students to harness their capabilities while in school, and will work closely with the career service to help create more job awareness and application (Bit of an annoyance if Visas are as hard to come by as people seem to be claiming).

Support mature and part-time international students whose opinions are barely heard, by including them in open debates and future activities (A good idea).

Surely-Your voice will be heard and acted upon. (…)

Score: 1/10. I have no idea what that was