Sheffield University Officer Elections 2015 (Development Officer)

Development Officer time!

Georgia Nolan-Rose

Slogan

There is no one university experience

Rating

0/10. FFS people. It's not hard to pun when you have a last name of Rose. "Everything's coming up Roses". "Line them all up in Rose".

Manifesto

Hi I’m Georgia (and I’m an alcoholic?); I’m an English Literature student (dammit!) and I want to be your Student union development officer.

As your Student union development officer, I will work to improve the university experience for all students (Wonderful). I understand that people come to university from all different walks of life and as such, I aim to increase the amount of live music nights (Wow. That sounds fun) and other non-clubbing evening events offered at the union (Have you told TSC about that yet? Because they’re going to love you for that).

As part of my goal to improve your university experience, I intend to accredit (Wooooo! I’ve not seen that verb before. Top marks) students more for their creative talents. I will, therefore, pursue Jack Wyse’s prior objectives to create an area for busking and street art hoarding. (And how well did that go last time? I’m guessing not very)

As well as working to improve your university experience, I will ensure that students have complete consumerist (You’re doing well with your big words) free will by being properly informed about the products they buy from the Union. I strongly believe that it is your right as consumers to know exactly what you are buying and as such, am running a campaign (Is that as part of your current life, or what you’ll do as part of Development Officer?) to include animal welfare standards in the union’s food labelling policy. (Good. Because if there’s one thing the Union needed, it was more beaurocratic bullshit)

In addition to implementing my own campaign, I will work with the ‘Zero campus food waste’ group to ensure that the minimum amount of unsold food items are put to waste (THAT’S ALREADY A THING. THE UNION MAKE A BIG DEAL ABOUT IT!). Also, I will continue the support ‘People and Planet’ (who?) have received for their ‘Fossil free’ campaign. (the what now?)

Score: 4/10. I’ve heard worse.

Isaac Stovell

Slogan

NOVEL STOVELL: refreshing our SU

Rating

5/10 or 7/10. Depending on whether it's the boring novel as in "new"/"book" or a weird pronounciation of novel because Stovell is pronounced Sto-vell.

Manifesto

We’re lucky to have the best SU in the UK (Thanks!), but there’s always room for improvement (Awwww)! As development officer, I’ll work with the university and other officers (Well done for saying you’ll do your bloody job) to make it something Sheffield students can be even prouder of. (The grammar of that statement seems a bit off…)

GREEN IS GOOD! (Green is not a creative colour)

Environmental issues are the struggle of our generation (Eh), so we need to explore creative new ways (I was worried that you were going to suggest creative old ways instead) of making the SU sustainable. I will reduce our carbon footprint (Really?) and improve energy efficiency (Really?). Incentivising eco-habits can also help tackle unnecessary waste (Well done you) – e.g. discounts for taking reusable cups to Coffee Revs (Nice idea. Look forward to Coffee Revs agreeing with you) or bowls New Leaf (I’ve decided to read that as if it were a cricket match. “And here he comes, New Leaf takes a swi- AND THAT’S A CATCH AT SLIP ON!”). I will also lobby the university to drop its investments (roughly £3,000,000) (HEY! THOSE BRACKETS ARE MINE. GET OUT) in fossil fuel companies (AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA).

WORKERS, RIGHT?

Far too many people, in the UK and worldwide, aren’t paid enough to properly get by on (Oh my heart strings). I will see that our products are fairly traded (How are you going to do that!?), and that the SU’s lowest-income earners are given an adequate wage. (I thought that this battle had been on going for the past 3 years. And nothing has happened)

STEEL CITY

Having grown up in Sheffield (Ey up), I know there are many exciting businesses and institutions routinely ignored by the ‘uni bubble’ (BUUUUUUUUUUUUUBLLLLLEEESS). Most of us pass Weston Park Museum almost daily, but how many have visited? I’m committed to making it easier for these local organisations (How?) to connect and collaborate with the university population. This would help the SU grow roots in the community it’s in (Hasn’t that been a thing for ages?), and hugely enrich students’ cultural life in the city.

I’ve got over two years’ experience already making practical change happen through campaigns and committees (THEN WHY DIDN’T YOU MENTION THEM!?). To see these and other good ideas work, VOTE NOVEL STOVELL!

Score: 3/10 or 4/10. Pun dependent.

George Truman

Slogan

One Union With Truman

Slogan

2/10. Truman does not rhyme with Union. Bad George.

Manifesto

Hello (Hi!)! I’m George Truman (and I’m an alcoholic?), a second year law student (DAMMIT), and I’m hoping to be your next Development Officer. The underlying message of my campaign is to maintain our status as the number ONE students’ union, and to further develop ONE (ONE!) inclusive (well that’s not very inclusive), diverse (or diverse) union for postgraduates, undergraduates and part-time students. One Union with Truman. The following points outline my policies and values: (You mean they aren’t codes to get free things from the university? YOU DECEIVING CAD)

1. I am a firm believer in ethical investment, and will continue to support the Fossil Free Sheffield Campaign (What the hell is this campaign? Why does everyone care?) if elected.
2. I want to press for further integration with our local community, building relationships between ourselves, local businesses (like who?) and charities. This could result in sponsorship of our societies (you know that’s already a thing, right?), and opportunities for students to volunteer (already a thing) and gain work experience (So…interns?).
3. I want to bring Monday nights out to the Union (Oh good. I was wondering what to do with my Mondays), but bigger (shouldn’t that be in CAPITALS) and better than before (was it ever a thing before?)! Many societies hold socials on Mondays, but the options for final venue are lacking (Really? They are? I don’t know anyone who does). I also believe that we should be attracting bigger (CAPITALS dammit!) names to our Union for fresher’s week. Other universities manage it, why can’t we! (Surely that should be an interrobang)
4. I plan to encourage student enterprise through an increase in the number of stalls at the Student Union market (the what now?), which would give you the opportunity to demonstrate your entrepreneurialism (Look at me! I’m an entrepreneur! Because I make shitty paper planes and sell them in the union). I’m also in favour of introducing business challenges to the Union. (Can it be with gloves and forcing into a duel? I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL! Of selling papier mache hats)
5. In addition to this, I would help develop opportunities for students to showcase their individual talents (Oh that sounds nice) and host events (Wonderful). So if you want to set up fashion shows, art exhibitions or musical events, we would facilitate you (you know, those are pretty much already a thing as well)!

Score: 4/10

Isaac Eloi

Slogan

Go With The Fro

Slogan

2/10. How is that a pun? Is it a silent "I"?

Manifesto

I’m Isaac Eloi (and I’m an alcoholic?), a 4th year Law with Spanish student (DAMMIT). I want our Union to serve students even better. Here are my policies below: (Not cupcakes? Dammit)

If elected I will:

COMMUNITY SUSTAINABILITY (I will community sustainability? That makes no sense!)

• Expand the food reuse project into the city by incorporating ALL Union food outlets into the scheme. (Huh, that actually sounds like a good idea)
• Collaborate with Hallam Union (Booooooooo) and Sheffield College to create the “Sheffield Students’ Sustainability Consortium” (That sounds a bit drab too) pledging to reduce food waste and donate food to the homeless.
• Hold Neighbourhood Food Drives (I’m sure they’ll be well attended) at Halloween, before Christmas and just before Easter.

ETHICAL INVESTMENTS

• Get the university to invest in ethical companies instead of unethical ones (How?) which use fossil fuels (Fossil fuels aren’t inherently unethical. Twit).
• Work with the People and Planet Society (Who?) to get more students involved in the divestment (Fancy word) from fossil fuels campaign.

EVENTS LED BY STUDENTS

• Create an Events Committee allowing students to create their OWN (You just got pwned!) events in the Union, the student villages and the city, with the proceeds going to charity (Meh).
• Make events HEARable (What was that? I can’t HEAR you), providing students with employability skills such as leadership, teamwork and organisation. (I don’t get those skills without a piece of paper?)

INCREASED FUNDING + A LIBERATION HUB

• Lobby the University to increase funding for under-represented groups (Not too bad an idea).
• Ensure that these groups have a support space that provides staff support, resources and advice (Also not a bad idea).

My experience:

• Vice-Chair of the BME Students’ Committee
• Councillor for the Students’ Union Council
• Residential Mentor
• LGBT Students’ Committee Officer
• Head of Operations for the first Contours Festival (Hey, I played that!)

These experiences showed me the wide range of issues students face, how to plan events and to strive for equality and sustainability within our Union and University.

Score: 4/10. Meh.

Harry Owens

Slogan

Harry's way is the Owen-ly way

Slogan

7/10 I inwardly groaned.

Manifesto

Your Commercial Services To Finance Your Union:

Did you know that this year the union is expected to lose £250,000 (No. No I did not)? Commercial outlets such as New Leaf and Bar One aim to bring money (I just thought it brought subpar salad and expensive pints of Hobgoblin) into the union and provide a service students enjoy. I want to expand the services the union has to offer and give you the deciding vote on what those services would be (EVERYONE SAYS THAT. EVERY YEAR). The extra revenue generated (You know there’s a start up cost to these new services, right? That will mean that they might struggle to break even. Right?) will help make the union more financially sustainable whilst protecting funding for key union services such as the student advice centre, activities and your societies.

Developing Student Ideas Together:

As this is a students union, I firmly believe it is important all students have an opportunity to make a change to it, in any way and in any area. I want to hear your ideas and to make you a part of the process (That’ll end badly), every step of the way (this is starting to sound like a cheesy pop song), until together (forever, we’re meant to be together) we can bring your idea to life. Constant student input ensures a great idea remains that way (Or as one video might say, TOO MANY COOKS).

Live Music Variety:

The Tuesday Club is an integral part of Sheffield’s house/drum & bass scene (UM TISS UM TISS UM TISS), however I often find myself having to travel out of town to see artists of different genres (Really? I mean, there’s a thriving folk scene, a new indie band show every night… Are you counting “Going to Don Valley Stadium” as out of town?). I believe we can better utilise our exciting spaces as, unlike other venues, our priority is student experience, not profit (wait, so you want lots of services to get money for the Union, but the priority isn’t money? I’m confused). Because of this, I am confident that we can attract a wider variety of artists so everyone can experience the music they love.

Score: 6/10.

Evette Plout

Slogan

Don't forget, vote Evette!

Slogan

8/10. Wonderful. A thing of beauty.

Manifesto

Why Vote Evette? … If elected as your SU Development Officer I will ensure that our No.1 Union stays No.1! (Please tell me you’re going to bribe the judges)

I want to make an inclusive and proactive SU that represents the needs of our diverse student body and addresses all our concerns (EVERY CONCERN. ALL OF THEM).

How?

Reducing our Environmental Footprint

• Create self-service “Juice Stations” (Just what the union needs!) for students to purchase their choice of concentrated orange/blackcurrant (20p*) (HEY! THE BRACKETS ARE MINE) to be diluted with the SU’s free drinking water (what if I don’t want to use that water? Will it explode?), so as to encourage the use of reusable water bottles (or, you know, you could just offer nicer things)
• Encourage the use of reusable water bottles with better promotion of the SU’s water fountains (HOW ARE THEY NOT PROMOTED? THE BASTARDING THINGS ARE EVERYWHERE!)
• Ensure food waste in the SU is significantly reduced and recycled (How?)
• Lobby the university to divest from fossil fuels (How?)
• Significantly reduce paper waste created by the distribution of leaflets (I really hope you handed out posters with this on it)

Creating Relaxed Study Spaces

• Create more sofa/lounge spaces for students to work (Nice idea. Where?)
• Increase awareness of the study spaces for students in the SU (There are study spaces in the union?)

Better Communication

• Introduce IPad stands so students can find out about upcoming events - “What’s On This Week in Your SU” (Oh good, let’s just be real ethical and ask for Apple’s help)
• SU Tree – “Help the SU grow” with an imitation tree placed inside the SU where students can attach their suggestions to the branches (I have no words. No words)

Promoting diversity

• Create a mural that highlights how proud we are of our diverse student body (Where? And who’s going to make it?)
• Support campaigns that fight issues like racism, sexism and xenophobia (Oh good. I did worry that you’d be trying to support racism, sexism and xenophobia)
• Better engagement with underrepresented students/student groups to find out how best to support their experience in the SU (So…do your job?)

If this sounds good to you then … DON’T FORGET, VOTE EVETTE! (Hey, that’s the name of the show!)

Score: 4/10. There are some dumb things in here…